So...People Want to Know Why Branson Rulez?

Ahhh, Branson, at first glance: the quintessential ladiez man.

Seems like he's always carrying a beautiful lady over a false threshold....

But in truth, Branson found all these ladiez stranded with their legz broke in the middle of the desert or a cocktail party, and he swooped in and carried them to safety.

Cuz that's what Branson does. He looks for ladiez with broken legz to rescue. These ladiez would probably totally be dead (from broken legz) if it weren't for Branson.

Luckily there's always a photographer around.

Usually ladiez with broken legz are all alone, but this one had a bunch of friends. Unfortunately they couldn't carry her, so Branson showed up and they cheered him like crazy with their tin foil pom-poms. Be A Branson! Be-Be-A-Branson! B-e-b-e-a-b-r-a-n-s-o-n!!!!!!!!!!

"Hey, who's breaking all these ladiez legz???" you ask?

ARGHHH. It's the leg breakers!!! They are terrorists!!!!
Ladiez' Leg Breaker #1: Branson, you are spoiling all leg breaking!
Ladiez' Leg Breaker #2: We will teach you!
Branson: I see a mouse! It's naked! It's on the floor!

Branson: Can I get a glass of '76 Rothschild? Please, I am very thirsty...

OH NO! THEY PUT BRANSON IN A CAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!

OH NO! THEY MADE HIM POSE NAKED WITH AN IRONICALLY TITLED BOOK!!!!!!!!

OH NO! THEY ROOFIED BRANSON AND HIRED A MEOWTALLICA ROADIE TO HANG HIM FROM A SKYSCRAPER WHERE HE WILL BE DATE RAPED BY THE CLOUDZ!!!!!!!!!!!

OH YESSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OHHHHHH YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!
ONE OF THE LADIEZ GOT HER LEGZ UNBROKE AND SHE BE SAVING BRANSON!!!!
ALL HE WANTS TO DO IS MAKE OUT!!!!
BUT SHE'S LIKE, "LET'S PLAY LASER TAG, MUTHAFUCKAZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

And now he is totally OKAY!!!!!
YEAH!!!!
Yeah BRANSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Save the ladiez with BROKEN LEGZ!!!!!
YEAHHHH!!!!!!!