The Pudgie Report proudly presents its first guest editor: RANDALL MAGMA

Randall Magma: Working at home today -- know any online blumpkin services?

Pudgie: To be honest i find the best blumpkins are found in the rest rooms of fast food eateries and require just a pair of penny loafers, not online.

Randall Magma:There's a joint just up the road called "Burgers, Fries and Glory Holes" -- I could pop in there for lunch.

Pudgie: I think there is a typo in your last transmission. Did you mean "poop" instead of "pop"?

Randall Magma: If all goes well I will do both simultaneously.

Pudgie: all this talk of hot lunch is making me want to read DH Lawrence on the can

Randall Magma: Who? I've been reading between the lines of Maeve Binchy lately.

Pudgie: Ahhhh, that takes me back.

Randall Magma: Reminds me of my bookselling days when I got started on that whole trip.

Pudgie: I don't remember what I sold except when David Mamet came in and I sold him a huge stack. I just remember being petrified of my co-workers and of my boss who looked like a diminuitive Merlot drinker.

Maeve Binchy came after college, at my upscale gig at Lauriat's

Randall Magma: I started there at the tail end of the Bridges of Madison County wankery. Thankfully I missed out on the Celestine Prophecy -- you prolly sold some of those! And still follow those teachings, yes?

Maeve came after all, huh?

Pudgie:
James Redbeard?

I sold a lot of those, and was cynical, so I read a copy of it in one day. I was amazed at how big a piece of shit it was. And then i went into work the next day shitting all over it and this girl was like, "Yeah, but if you can just get past the writing..."

What do you mean "Get past the writing?" That's what it is. It's a book! Of words!

Randall Magma: Never got a look at his beard -- Maeve's is red tho'

Pudgie: The reptile carpet matches the reptile drapes

I didnt realize

Randall Magma: She also played a minor role in the Dark Crystal -- the wife of a Skeksis

Pudgie: I thought she was married to Mandy Potemkin

[i hope you know that Dark Crystal pic was ALREADY ON MY BLOG YOU EFFING PLAGIARIST]

Randall Magma: Plagiarism is my raison d'etre.

Pudgie: Maybe you should take

a hot lunch break!

Randall Magma: Never hot enough. I'm full of magma today.

Pudgie: Ahem.

Randall Magma: Plus I'm awaiting the call from Mr. X to bring to light what exactly the f@&# is going on . Listening to "Nilson Schmilson."

Pudgie: Maybe you should guest edit the blog.

Randall Magma: Maybe I can do a post one of these days. Maybe right now?
I'll call it "Whistles Far and Weee"