Selasa, 02 Desember 2008

Branson II: Before There Were Seeds of Doubt Regarding the Efficacy of Branson, There Was 3D-YouTube


Pudgie: did you hear? branson gave up atlantic sailboat record challenge
:(

Versace: really? i wanted to capsize his ship
probably he heard me talking "pirate"

Pudgie: shit.. we should make a fake Branson sailboat and pay a guy to wear Branson wig.. and then we should become pirates and attack the ship in the Atlantic
and capsize it
and post it on YouTube literally.. the capsized ship.. somehow can you upload a physical thing to YouTube?

Versace: our ship will be called the S.S. Non Bras
i think they need a 3-D youtube

Pudgie: that is right, how did you know the ship name too?
maybe Branson can buy Google.. and then make them devote all their money to 3D YouTube
then we can do the model branson yacht.. with fake branson.. who we capsize while being pirates in the Atlantic
and then upload capsized Yacht to 3D YouTube.. of course.

Versace: like the robin hood of the seas
the socialist sailors, viva Obama

Pudgie: except we take from the rich.. and give to 3D YouTube
OR we could upload the poor to 3D YouTube!

Versace: well i figure everyone can experience the yacht and download it if we put it on 3D YT

Pudgie: then that would complete it

Versace: so they can all plunder the treasure
wow, uploading the poor to 3D YouTube

Pudgie: that solves it
even Obama hasn't thought of that

Versace: we shd forward this conversation to Guiliani
he could give us money for that

Pudgie: (in fairness, Obama didn't know we'd get Branson to make 3D youtube)

Versace: then we cd start that hedge fund

Pudgie: i'm drawing dots on a sheet of paper and then drawing big circular arrows between all of them
this is amazing.. it's all connected together

Versace: it's bransonirvana

Pudgie: I think we should forward this to Giuliani.. maybe he doesn't trust email.. so might have to type it out.. and mail it

Versace: we will have to live with ourselves tho
so i think i have a solution
we upload Rudy G to 3D YouTube first, and we make him give us all his money for the idea
then we leave him there because he's poor, after we've sealed the deal
then we give lots of the remainder money out to the actual poor, so that they're less poor, and no longer qualify for upload

Pudgie: that's where we trick him

Versace: so Rudy will be the only one

Pudgie: he's like, "You said you'd download me back to real world!"
and we're all like, "Dude, now you're poor.. and you have to stay in 3D YouTube"
then he's like ":(:("

Versace: he'll be hanging out on branson's yacht tho
but everyone will be downloading it, and there wont even a bottle of malibu, on that shit
he would definitely emoticon in 3D

Pudgie: cause.. he's in YouTube.. and that's how people emote in youtube

Versace: we could take care of a lot of shit with 3D youtube

Pudgie: i'd watch Rudy Giuliani on 3D YouTube Branson Yacht
"let me off of this Yacht!"
etc
"I'm broke Rudy Giuliani"

Versace: Who Will Be America's Next Top 3D-YouTube’s Poor Person on Branson's Yacht? -- the reality TV show

Pudgie: yeah.. and to win.. you have to figure out how to get uploaded to 3D youTube
which doesn't exist yet
so.. it's a very complicated game
where the goal isn't even really knowable

Versace: mostly acne faced hackers from norway get on the show

Pudgie: well, i'm thinking for real now.. we make this a real show
"Who Will Be America's Next Top 3D-YouTube Poor Person on Branson's Yacht?"
and then each episode
nothing happens
because.. people are still trying to figure out what 3D YouTube is..
or.. they're trying to invent it..
and then figure out how to upload to it
and.. wtf is Branson's yacht..

Versace: kabam! that's how we invent it

Pudgie: yeah!

Versace: done!

Pudgie: i'm not about inventing 3D YouTube

Versace: :branson

Pudgie: :BRANSON
i'm about someone else inventing it

Versace: it’s like the inspiration for U-Haul, some guy in a moving company said, “I ain't gonna haul that shit... You haul it. Hey, wait a second..."

Pudgie: i like how it seems like it started as a belligerent insult to the customer.. and then became a business model
like.. U-BuildIt for a TV company
we sell you a pile of glass, metal and plastic
and you fucking build your tv

Versace: U-Create 3D YouTube
We-Get Rich

Pudgie: i think we should just abstract this down to
U-GiveUsMoney
which.. is almost what a hedge fund is

Versace: which is why we need Rudy's money in the first place!!!!

Pudgie: fuck.. yeah, Rudy is the key

Versace: he is the heartstone

Pudgie: as long as that means the guy with the money.. yeah

Versace: too bad he wont be America's Next Top President
we could easily blackmail him with made up lies

Pudgie: if his name wasn't so hard to type.. i'd bransonify his name into a new language

Versace: he doesnt have much to lose right now

Pudgie: giuliani
dam.. he does have a lot of vowels
branson only has 2
giuliani has 5

Versace: if he had a "d" you could almost anagram "i, languid"
that's because he's so rich

Pudgie: nah.. maybe it's like.. Giuliani needs the vowels.. to overcompensate
like..
Branson says.. "I don't need that many vowels"
giuliani nouvoue riche?
dammit

Versace: yeah Branson's like i don't need that many vowels i got this sailing craft...

Pudgie: nouveau riche!
yeah
until we upload it to you know what
then he'll be like
"BraaansooOn"
something similar.. but with more vowels

Versace: i think david lynch could help us out if he steered a remote control helicopter kamikaze style into the boat
the helicopter could be filled with vowels
this would cause a distraction
and murmurs
branson would be like "hey that's david lynch!"

Pudgie: cause people would be like... "Branson, are you nouveau riche?"

Versace: and then we could get our grappling hooks on that shit

Pudgie: but.. branson would be schmoozing lynch
and we'd upload it to you know where
the yacht i mean
to
3D Youtube
not like.. we'd upload the Yacht to itself

Versace: it's no accident DDD-Youtube has 5 vowels in it
DDD = 3D in code

Pudgie: sounds like now we are making.. Large Bra YouTube

Versace: Bras Onn
how do we get Bras Onn off the yacht?

Pudgie: let me check the record
well.. in my gedankenexperiment... it was a fake Branson.. on model Branson Yacht..
fake branson had a branson wig on
but.. i think.. it became his real yacht at some point
i'm not sure.. maybe by uploading the model branson yacht.. it somehow became the real branson yacht
i think it's his yacht.. i don't know where Branson goes..

Versace: does he drown?
is there water in 3DYT?

Pudgie: branson is undrownable

Versace: ?

Pudgie: i think he wears a spacesuit everywhere anyhow..
plus there is 3D water in 3DYouTube
which i don't think it will affect Branson

Versace: how can water drown in water

Pudgie: but, it's hard to tell

Versace: that's the tag-line for the branson language: "I don't think it will affect Branson"

Pudgie: Branson was not created with 3D YouTube 3D Water in mind
so..i don't know if "I don't think it will affect Branson" will apply..
also, lets advance to meta-chat

Versace: {no joke}

Pudgie: {random symbol}

Versace: {}{}

Pudgie: {anecdote}

Versace: {FART}

Pudgie: {rabid seagull}

Versace: {lonesome penis}

Pudgie: {flock of rabid seagulls}

Versace: {pepper spray}

Pudgie: {pizza}

Versace: {skeleton key to mummy grave}

Pudgie: {Beowulf Part II dug up from history}
{and translated}

Versace: {are adjective, and all other parts of speech, for that matter, nouns?}
that's a little hypocritical of language right?

Pudgie: well.. meta is hard
hard is meta
lonelily
is adjective
"lonelily"' is noun?
the usage of a referent to a word is a noun..?
it's like.. it becomes something else.. when you talk about it
this is quasi-similar to the whole..
can a set contain itself.. idea
or no.. well.. i'm not sure

Versace: no it's like can my father be a dick
and also benevolent....
no it's not like that at all

Pudgie: an 'adjective' is a noun

Versace: an "adjective" is a noun
but an adjective is not a noun
so the "" make it a noun

Pudgie: an adjective is an adjective
a noun is a noun
a "noun" is a noun
a "noun" is a noun" is a noun
""a "noun" is a noun" is a noun" is a noun
?
or is that a phrase
a noun phrase

Versace: maybe we should ask possible contestants for "Who Will Be America's Next Top 3D-YouTube Poor Person on Branson's Yacht" when is an adjective not an adjective -- and if they get it wrong they get uploaded
well a phrase is a noun, so it's a noun in that way

Pudgie: so.. a bunch of things can be a noun?
a noun isn't explicitly just one word
duh
of course not
:)

Versace: noun bras

Pudgie: noun bras
what if someone applying to "Who Will Be America's Next Top 3D-YouTube Poor Person on Branson's Yacht" gets clever and asks some response question that we can't answer and we get uploaded to 3D YouTube instead..
we should stash some treats and stuff on the Yacht just in case..

Versace: well if that's really a scenario, then i would be in favor of putting a secret time machine or reverse download from 3DYT on the yacht
possibly in the form of a yak, so no one suspects anything
or two yaks maybe
maybe we could put a flamethrower on there to defend ourselves against rabid seagulls or...
i guess it's possible that we exist in and out of time on 3D YouTube so there might be multiple versions of us, and when we get uploaded, and then time machine off, somewhere along the way time might split, so we might be battling dopplegangers on the SS Branson
or dopplegangbangers

Pudgie: well.. i'm cool with getting stuck in 3D YouTube.. as long as I have treats..
could have an adult movie called "Attack of the Dopplegäng(bang)ers"
or "Attack of the Dopplegäng(bäng)ers"

Versace: attack of the adult movies might get me to upload myself onto that yacht
especially if i got to have sex with myself in a gang bang
in which all members of the gang bang were me
i.e. Branson

Pudgie: whoa
i am afraid for my mind now
it's like in another world

Versace: Who Will Be America's Next Top 3D-YouTube DoppleGang(Bang)er of Richard Branson's Yacht

Pudgie: you are the Dopplegäng(bäng)er

Versace: amen brah

Pudgie: dam.. there are already 74 results for "Dopplegäng(bäng)er" on google

Versace: really?

Pudgie: wait.. 5

Versace: what if we added another gangbanger to it

Pudgie: but.. none with umlauts

Versace: so it was The DoppleGangBangerGang(Bang)er
ahh screw it someone has a myspace page for it

Pudgie: Dopplegäng(bäng)erBänger
it's the infinte regression
Dopplegäng(bäng)erGängBängerGängBänger
or.. say,
the Dopplegäng(bäng)er's Dopplegäng(bäng)er's Dopplegäng(bäng)er
does the Dopplegäng(bäng)er have a Dopplegäng(bäng)er?
does that thing have a Dopplegäng(bäng)er?

Versace: Dopplegang(BransonBang)er

Pudgie: what is a "Dopplegäng(bäng)er"?

Versace: I don't think it will affect Branson

Pudgie: does Branson have a doppelganger?

Versace: branson through the looking glass

Pudgie: i had a dream i was alice in wonderland and little children were reading me.. and they cried when they found out a pedophile wrote me.

Versace: did they know what a pedophile was?
or did they cry because they didn't, and you wouldn't tell them

Pudgie: i wouldn't tell them
word was too big.. and so they got pissed
(and i mean.. they drank A LOT)
then after getting drunk.. the children cried the cries of lonely drunks
it was horrible
should have told them what "pedophile" was
could have said.. "it's a noun"

Versace: you could have said "its a noun that likes to have sex with little underage nouns"

Pudgie: i could have said.. (now, we are presuming that, as a book, i can speak, and that this will not frighten the children) that the guy who wrote me just liked to draw nude pictures of little girls.

Versace: with his rabid seagull

Pudgie: and, i think that would make them cry.
or i would cry upon saying it..
for deep, conflicted reasons

Versace: i think if a book started talking to me i might cry, and i'm a pedophile

Pudgie: well, pedophiles are emotionally stunted.. so.. that's to be expected
but.. as a talking book, i would frighten myself
so it's complicated.

Versace: maybe you're a book on tape

Pudgie: fuck

Versace: maybe someone famous reads you to the kidz

Pudgie: i'd strangle him
with my tape book arms

Versace: if you're a book on tape it's going to be hard to enjoy the yacht treats

Pudgie: "I" am this thing that exists when this other person named "Pudgie" moves her fingers on the keyboard of a computer

Versace: "I" is your dopplegangbanger

Pudgie: fucking blew my mind

Versace: i'm surprised we havent been rejected by mcsweeneys yet
maybe we shd offer to do live chats for their website

Pudgie: we can read 3D-YouTube on tape and upload the audio to them
tell them that literary journals are out.. and just literary works on tape are in
soo.. McSweeny's should be a tape that people buy
in the future

Versace: literary journals on CDROM

Pudgie: fuck right
i am going to enter meta-zone and say
That is genius! "That is genius!"
like.. it is both
truly genius
outside of "3D YouTube"
within "3D YouTube"
that is our bridge
between this world.. and the outside world
Literary Journals on Tape

Versace: sounds like the secret upload codes might be on those literary journals

Pudgie: No results found for "literary journals on tape".
we have a lock on this shit.

Versace: hedge fund, bitches!

Pudgie: it only exists here

Versace: dude, i just had a paranoid thought

Pudgie: there is "hispanic literature on tape"

Versace: are we on 3D YouTube?
is THIS 3D YouTube?

Pudgie: fuck yes we are
yeah, that's the rub
we LIVE in 3D YouTube EVERY DAY

Versace: so in order to download off this shit, where do we go?
the good news is, now we don't even have to get someone to invent it

Pudgie: graveyard?
no the whole idea is we start the show

Versace: do we go to 2D YouTube?

Pudgie: and then.. it's all a ruse to open peoples' minds
to SEE
that THIS IS 3D YouTube
dude.. someone uploaded us here
and we upload shit to 2d YouTube

Versace: "Dude, We Are Already IN 3D-YouTube"
that could get Palin elected

Pudgie: that got her elected..

Versace: this is the longest 3D YouTube video ever

Pudgie: i think there's a 4D YouTube

Versace: if this video ever ends, i would seriously like to see what other 3D YouTube videos there are
there probably is, but my guess is by the time we figure out how to upload it, we'll realize we're already in it the whole time

Pudgie: theoretical physicists think there are multiple 3D YouTube downloads
I bet if we uploaded 3D YouTube TO 3D YouTube.. that would make an interesting something.

Versace: i think that's how they finally figured out how to make the A-Bomb
we could sell this chat to Iran
for $$$$$$

Pudgie: i'm uploading it to EBay
minimum Bid.. 1,000*priceofOIL
we could use text2speech program to translate it to tape

Versace: Dear Al Qaeda, Iran, North Korea, and anyone else, we have a recipe for the A-Bomb via 3D YouTube concepts. We would like $4,000 each if you BuyNow

Pudgie: it's a good concept.. because it's so economical.. you don't need cash (except to buy the 3D YouTube concept).. then.. you just need imagination

Versace: the trick is it's an A-Bomb that blows people's minds, not countries
so we'd be fucking them up like Rudy G
although apparently we are uploading Rudy to the same place he is, and all the poor people are going to stay poor
maybe we'll leave that part out or say "Cf. Forthcoming Appendix"
for elaborations we never elaborate

Pudgie: the future always elaborates

Versace: we are just a mosquito bite on branson's nuts that the mosquito named branson bit

Pudgie: I don’t think it will affect branson


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